And Apple Trees Shall Bloom On Mars
by chimere
Summary: Of all the things you can find on Babylon 5, even when you are not looking for anything any more. The story of a woman from Earth who wanders through the legendary events on the station and quite unexpectedly finds her own way again.
1. Fed Up

Disclaimer: everything in Babylon 5 belongs to JMS and Warner Bros., I'm just borrowing some of it. The title of this story is a loose translation of a line from a Russian song of the space era, music by V. Muradeli, lyrics by Y. Dolmatovski. Not making any money. Don't sue.

* * *

Chapter I

**Fed Up**

_By chimère_

That was enough.

The realisation came suddenly, but it was the sum of many small things rather than one lightning stroke. This _non-aggression treaty_ with the Centauri was simply the last straw that finally made the load unbearable.

It wasn't that Ene had particularly cared for Santiago, but the gradual shutdown of democracy following the President's death had irked her quite a lot. The stupid human society had once again begun to spiral down towards tyranny, which would eventually burn itself out, of course, but the society would climb up only to fall down again, as it had done countless times before. It was simply... idiotic, just as it was inevitable.

That Earth had chosen the Centauri as allies came as no surprise, but she couldn't dismiss it like any other petty manoeuvre in politics, a field she was determined never to get involved in. She had always been fond of the Narn culture, of their fatalistic and philosophical view of life. She had learned to speak, read and write Narn reasonably well, and truly liked their literature. The destruction of the culture that had produced it bothered her more than her own planet's descent into tyranny.

And then there were personal matters. She was fed up with it all: the lack of a family, the scientific career she no longer had any interest in, the farm she was forced to run on her own with little hope of ever reviving the place. It was all empty – of joy, meaning, purpose.

In short, she wanted out. Out of her obligations, out from under the increasingly tyrannic regime, out of her life. Off this planet. She had long felt homeless and now found that she wanted to be that in truth.

If getting out of her life had been her only objective, Mars, Io, Proxima III or Orion VII would have done nicely. But with everything being pointless, she felt that she could do with a purpose. She didn't want to be an unimportant scientist and a bitter spinster with nothing to show for her life but some papers in not-so-outstanding journals and a less than successful farm. She wanted to make something of her life, however ridiculous that might sound. Just for once, to do something, anything worthwhile. And the sooner she died after that, the better. Both purposes would be served by going to the Narn Homeworld to help the refugees and the resistance. Perhaps she could save just one life or kill just one murderer.

And if she wanted to go to the Narn Homeworld, there was only one way open to her, even that doubtful at best. Babylon 5.

* * *

_Begin message recording. _

Ahem. Doctor Franklin, my name is Ene Maaroos. I am a senior gene technician at the University of Tartu, Estonia, Europe, Earth Alliance. I have a PhD degree and ten years of lab experience. Copies of my credentials are recorded on this data crystal along with this message. I am requesting the post of a lab technician at the MedLab on Babylon 5 and, if it is at all possible, wish to take up the job immediately. I am aware of the irregularity of my request. I have never been employed by EarthForce, nor do I have any desire to ever join the military. I understand that this could be a setback, as could the fact that I have never left Earth's atmosphere before. Nevertheless it is my almost fervent wish to join the staff of the multicultural and politically neutral Babylon 5. I have come as far as I can with my own contacts here on Earth; to actually get the job, I need your consent. I urge you to consider my request. If you should require any further information, I will be glad to send it to you. Please respond at your earliest convenience.

_Message ends. Press A to save. Press B to exit. Press C to record another message. Press D to... _

* * *

As Ene had expected, finding a caretaker for the farm was what took most of the time she spent putting her affairs in order. She didn't have the heart to sell the place, which meant that she had to complete the nearly impossible task of finding someone trustworthy enough to live in the house and keep it from falling into disrepair. The man she finally settled for was a former acquaintance of his father and, as far as she could judge, the best choice available. They signed a contract stating that if she returned within five years, she could have the farm back, but privately she doubted that would ever happen. Five years' worth of "salary" paid in advance to the caretaker took a sizeable chunk out of her resources, but she didn't think it wise to burn all the bridges behind her.

As she prepared to leave, the news she came across on the undoubtedly censored ISN every now and then made her think that it might be quite a good idea to get off Earth just now, apart from all her own reasons, because soon it might be too late for such a move. She closed her account on Earth and transferred all her money to a bank on Orion VII just in case, for the first time feeling grateful for her small fortune that enabled her to leave with relative ease.

She quit her job at the university, sent messages to a few friends and her great-uncle, the only relative she still kept in touch with at all, and packed very little. Still, a collection of poems by Sean Mullet, a contemporary Irish writer whose works she rather enjoyed, found its way into her suitcase.

Finally, the endless paperwork was done and she could reserve a place on an Earth passenger liner bound for Babylon 5. With a job offer directly from Doctor Franklin and the helpful nudges in the right direction by a well-connected acquaintance of hers, the authorities couldn't keep her from leaving. She got the impression that they would very much have liked to do just that, which only increased her unease about staying on Earth. If EarthDome didn't like people leaving the planet even with perfectly legitimate causes, it was definitely the time to get out.

Ene didn't look back as she boarded the Demeter. Instead, she pushed her way through the crowd at the reception area of the ship to a lookout window. It was some time before they took off, but when they did, she could watch the sky's blue dissolve into black. And stars.

* * *

Ene thought that the Babylon 5 Station looked quite impressive, but she certainly didn't believe any of the "last best hope for peace" rubbish. Peace was lost and Babylon 5 had hardly done anything to prevent that. It was bound to be a typical military "yes _sir_, no _sir_" kind of place run by EarthForce, not a neutral ground open to all races, religions and views of life, basking in the freedom of thought.

Not that it mattered at all. For her, Babylon 5 would just be a brief stop on the way.

* * *

"You mean that after all the trouble you went through to get here, you want to leave again? Just like that? What about that fervent wish to work on this multicultural and politically neutral station? And me – I'm supposed to give you up now, am I, after being persuaded to hire you in the first place?"

Ene had the impression that Doctor Stephen Franklin wasn't a man who was easily angered, but she had certainly managed to do that.

"I couldn't very well tell Earth authorities where I was really going and hope to ever get off the planet. I needed an acceptable destination. Babylon 5 was perfect," she stated calmly.

"And where is it that you're really going?"

"Surely you understand I can't tell you that."

"You're damn well going to! Otherwise I'll have Mister Garibaldi lock you up!"

"On what charges? You can't stop me, Doctor. You can only fire me, which is exactly what I want."

Doctor Franklin looked ready to explode. Ene took pity on him and decided to explain what little she could.

"Look, if you want to know why I'm being such an impertinent bitch, it's because I've got nothing left to lose. You can't threaten me with anything. I'm not bound by conventionalities. You don't have to worry that I'll cause trouble, on the contrary, I don't want anything to do with anyone. I am outside the society. The only thing you can do is let me go. Think of me like I'm already dead, Doctor – you won't be far off the mark."

With that, she turned on her heel and left MedLab, leaving Doctor Franklin to stare after her.

* * *

"Ambassador G'Kar."

"I am no longer an ambassador."

"I don't acknowledge the Centauri occupation. Therefore, you are still ambassador."

"You would do better to acknowledge reality. Do not try to flatter me."

"Very well. I wish to go to the Narn Homeworld to help the resistance."

There was a profound silence as the Narn stared at her, red eyes narrowing in the reptilian face. After a long pause G'Kar finally said, "I do not believe I have the honour of knowing who I am talking to."

"Ene Maaroos. From Earth."

"It is a peculiar name."

"Not all Earthers are English, citizen G'Kar."

"Is it Miss or Missis Maaroos?"

"Professor." That wasn't strictly true – she hadn't given any lectures in over a year, but she found that references to her sex and marital status irked her.

G'Kar raised his fists to his chest in the traditional Narn gesture. "Now that we have established that I am citizen G'Kar and you are Professor Maaroos, tell me, why do you want to help our resistance?"

"Because I want my life to have a purpose."

"That's very noble, no doubt, but what makes you think that you can be of service?"

"_Because I can speak, read and write your language, and because I don't care whether I live or die,_" Ene replied in Narn.

There was another long pause as G'Kar stared at her. "It is much more likely that you are a Centauri spy," he said at length. "Your world has allied itself with our enemy."

"I have nothing to do with my world any more."

"Why should I believe you?"

"You shouldn't. Trust is a luxury that usually costs one dearly. But know that I am Estonian, a member of a small nation that has been conquered many times by many others in the past. I know what it's like."

"This is not the past. You cannot know "what it's like" on a planet bombarded so heavily that the dust obscures the sky. But if you have even the faintest idea of what it is to fight an occupation, you should know that you will most probably die there."

"Good."

"A deathwish is hardly a purpose in life."

"What difference does it make to you as long as I help you?" Ene asked irritably.

"If fate has given us a gift, it is a strange gift," G'Kar muttered. "A dark one."

* * *

Apparently G'Kar had some quite useful contacts in the security, since she was to get on a supply ship bound for some destination she wasn't given a name for to pick up its "cargo" (meaning weapons, of course) and then meant to proceed to the Narn Homeworld. She spent most of the four days before leaving sitting at a table in the Zocalo with a single drink in front of her, watching humans and aliens. When she left, her opinion of Babylon 5 wasn't the same it had been when she'd arrived here. But that really didn't matter at all.

* * *

"Can you pilot a shuttle?"

"No."

"A light planetary cruiser?"

"No."

"Can you perform surgical operations?"

"No. And before you ask, no, I don't have much more experience inflicting wounds than I have healing them. I've only handled a PPG a few times. But I suppose I can learn that part fast enough, or if not, then I at least won't be around very long to irritate you with my inexperience."

The leader of the group of Narns who had come to rendezvous with the shuttle carrying the weapons and her shook her head. "_What_ was G'Kar thinking," she muttered. "What use _are_ you?"

Ene shrugged. "Just another pair of hands."

"An _untrained_ pair of hands."

"Well, give me the dirty work, then. I don't care."

"Hmh. You'll slow us down. You can't even see properly in our light or withstand the dust and the radiation in the air as Narns do. Do you realise how many of the bombs dropped here were thermonuclear warheads? Very soon you'll die on us and then we'll be forced to attend to your body. That's the help you bring."

"Oh, come on. Just because I'm not a trained resistance fighter there's no reason to think that I'm an idiot. Why do you think I'm wearing this mask with a respirator? It has been adjusted to the range of wavelengths of the red light here to help me see. And I'm injecting myself daily with anti-radiation medicine."

The Narn leader gave her a long look and grunted. "You'll start coordinating the transfer of people to and from one of our smaller refugee centres. You'll answer to Se'Khor." With that, she turned around and walked to the shuttle to oversee the transport of weapons to the planetary cruiser of the resistance.

Ene bowed fractionally to her new superior who had been pointed out to her. He didn't look too thrilled at the prospect of having her on his hands. She let her bow hide her grin. It seemed that the end of her life would be satisfyingly interesting.

* * *

The Narns were a very strong and hardy race – quite extraordinary in human terms. Ene had known that beforehand, of course, but book knowledge was never the same as seeing something with one's own eyes. There was something else, however, something she had never read about and that soon begun to bother her to no end. The Narns' ideas of cleanliness and hygiene were about on the level of humans of the Middle Ages. Granted, no one could expect a refugee centre of the resistance to be spotless, but with the exception of the medical facilities and staff, these rooms and people continually made Ene feel disgusted.

The refugee centre, although a small one, was a busy place. It was situated in a relatively sparsely populated area, on the edge of a huge semi-desert that covered most of a continent in the planet's northern hemisphere. Nevertheless, quite a lot of Narns were fleeing to the wilderness from the cities that had been bombarded most heavily. It was the responsibility of this centre to find those refugees and gather them here to be fed and given medical care to the best abilities of the resistance. Those fit for travel were shipped off the planet at the earliest possibility. Most of them went to Babylon 5.

Ene's job was to help organise the people arriving at the centre – to separate the sick and injured from the healthy and give them over to the medical staff, to find everyone something to eat and a place to sleep, to console as much as she could. Many were reluctant to trust a human and there were even some threats to cut the throat of this member of a race who had allied themselves with the Centauri, but security was tight enough so that none of those threats were carried out. Ene also found that her command of the Narn language she had always taken pride in didn't enable her to speak fluently to all the refugees – the Narns had several dialects that were sometimes almost as different as the tongues of Earth.

Sometimes, when things got really busy, Ene's help was also enlisted in communicating with the shuttles taking the refugees away and in organising the priority order of the people waiting to leave. Children came first, of course, but if they had any surviving family members, she tried to let those go along as well whenever possible.

The work was hard, she got little to eat and less time to sleep. Additionally, there were the general inconveniencies a human experienced on this planet – adapting to gravity slightly weaker than on Earth, wearing the compulsory mask to avoid breathing in dust and to be able to see properly, needing to inject the anti-radiation medicine. But with the exception of the fact that it was almost impossible to wash oneself, she liked all of it. Somehow, it felt… right. She was glad of her decision to leave Earth.

* * *

One evening, the usual scant, canned and none too tasty food of the refugee centre received an amazing addition – a supply ship brought in fruit that looked very much like yellow oranges. Most of them were given to the refugees, of course, but the staff members each got one, as well. Ene found that the fruit was difficult to peel and tasted rather bitter, obviously because it wasn't ripe yet. She decided to risk bothering her superior asking about it.

"Se'Khor, why has this fruit been picked so early? Food is scarce as it is, is it wise not to let what little harvest we have ripen fully?"

"Use your brains, human," the Narn replied with such contempt that Ene flinched. "You know about the radiation, don't you? Our people can withstand it reasonably well, but the children are still vulnerable. Very soon, the radiation will have killed or polluted most of the plants on the planet. These _serrash_ were picked from a small plantation far from the towns. We couldn't wait for them to ripen, for then they would have become polluted as well. This is the last fruit these children shall eat for a long time." He nodded towards a group of Narn children huddled together at the back of the room, some still busy trying to peel the _serrash_, some already eating and grimacing at the bitter taste.

Ene had never seen a Narn weep – she didn't even know if they could –, but she felt a lump forming in her own throat despite having thought herself quite tough and accustomed to the horrors life threw at those who lived it. This bitter and unripe fruit was the most tragic thing she had seen in a long time.

* * *

It was purely by chance that Ene picked up this transmission – a faint distress signal, barely noticeable as she searched for a frequency to communicate with an incoming shuttle.

"--n you -- me? Can anyone hear us? We need --. We are in the middle of the desert, we escaped -- Mardef. --er can't walk any further, -- been carrying me. I don't know exactly -- are. Please help -- come looking for us. Can --one hear -- help --"

"It's a trap." Se'Khor's jaw was set in its most resolute way. "No one could have come all the way from Mardef on foot, especially carrying someone. It's the Centauri seeking to draw us out and capture us."

"People can do things far beyond their normal capabilities when their life is in danger. And they haven't come all the way from Mardef – it seems like one of them has collapsed on the way. Come on, Se'Khor, it's a girl's, a child's voice! It's her mother or father who's probably dying out there. She can't make her way here on her own. Would you leave a child of your own people to die alone in the desert?"

Se'Khor's fist landed on a nearby table so hard that it upset several bottles of medicine standing there, which she hastened to pick up. "Do not taunt me, human!" he thundered. "You have no right to lecture me about taking care of my own people!"

"Prove me wrong, then," Ene replied in the daredevil manner she'd adopted of late, and came very close to being thrown across the room.

But as she had found, having no care for one's own safety and stopping at nothing to achieve one's goals was often quite a successful strategy. Once again, she got what she wanted.

They found the girl after three hours of flying criss-cross above the semi-desert in a light planetary cruiser. No longer a child, but not quite an adolescent, either. Her father lay on the stone-strewn sand, already arranged in the funeral position.

Ene finally forced herself to move toward the cruiser when the girl and her father's body were already aboard. Se'Khor stood beside the cruiser, waiting for her. Suddenly she felt her legs go weak, her feet faltered on a sandy patch of ground and she dropped to her knees.

Moments later, Se'Khor's big, dark-skinned and calloused hand appeared in her field of vision. She didn't look up to him, but gratefully grasped his hand and leaned on it as she shakily got to her feet.

* * *

Ene's luck ran out after three and a half months on the Narn Homeworld – longer than she'd expected, in fact. The Centauri found them – quite by accident, apparently – and attacked from all sides. The planetary cruiser of the resistance could no sooner get airborne before it was shot down. The bombing from the two Centauri cruisers overhead didn't last very long, soon enough the ground forces moved in. The Narns' ferocious fighting only served to get them killed faster, since they were surrounded and grossly outnumbered.

Ene didn't bother to fight. Instead, she gathered the four Narn children currently at the refugee centre into the innermost room, locked the doors and set her PPG close at hand. She then sat down on a bench to wait. The children came and wordlessly huddled close to her, for the first time unafraid of the human.

It didn't take them long to break down the doors. She shot and was shot in return, there was pain and nausea, the children were torn from her side, a voice that sounded like hers screamed, her fingernails found flesh and dug into it viciously, she was hit and fell to the floor, she tried to look up and didn't know if she managed it or not, because suddenly a wave of heat coursed through her body, making her nerves tingle and ears ring, and everything went black. And then, finally, there was oblivion.


	2. The Waking

Disclaimer: everything in Babylon 5 belongs to JMS and Warner Bros., I'm just borrowing some of it. The title of this story is a loose translation of a line from a Russian song of the space era, music by V. Muradeli, lyrics by Y. Dolmatovski. Not making any money. Don't sue.

* * *

Chapter II

**The Waking**

_By chimère_

Ene woke to find a white face looking down on her. She tried to recoil in horror, but couldn't move a muscle. She shut her eyes again, trying to block out the resurrection of an old nightmare.

She had been a teenager during the Earth-Minbari war, the first horror of life that began to wake her up from the safety of childhood. There was one thing she remembered most clearly about the war. One day, ISN had triumphantly announced the death of the captain of a Minbari warship. Ene had later begun to suspect that it had in fact been a flyer pilot, as she couldn't see how humans could have killed a warship captain and recovered his body. It would have been typical of Earth administration to fabricate such a story in their desperation to calm the populace. But whoever it had been, she still remembered the image of his dead face on the TV screen – bone-white and horrible. That face had haunted her dreams for several years, even after the absurd surrender of the Minbari in the Battle of the Line, when her world that had been about to end was allowed to continue. The face of death.

* * *

Awareness returned, this time with sufficient clarity to bring the pain with it. It was a hard, heavy and almost, but not quite unbearable pain, telling her that she hadn't woken into heaven, hell or any other kind of afterlife, but into her own world. The world she had come to hate so much that she'd tried to escape it. Hadn't succeeded, then. Damn.

Her surroundings – as much as she could see, since moving her head was out of the question – seemed to belong to a spaceship, but to a completely unfamiliar one. And it suddenly registered to her that the bed she was lying on wasn't horizontal, but set at an angle. This fact together with the memory of the white face so similar to the one from her nightmares led her to the conclusion that she was on a Minbari ship. She couldn't understand it. If anything, she would have expected a Centauri vessel. In some ways, this was even worse.

Suddenly she heard an exclamation in a foreign tongue – Minbari, no doubt – and made the mistake of turning her head. Through the pain, her brain dimly registered a tall white-robed figure, unmistakably Minbari. It was probably a doctor, since it stepped closer and waved an odd instrument with many tiny blinking multicoloured lights over her body – Ene supposed it was the Minbari version of a medical scanner. She squinted to get a clearer look at its face. She thought it was a female.

After a few moments the doctor finished her examinations, uttered another incomprehensible phrase in Minbari and strode away. Ene resigned herself to wait. What else could she do, after all.

* * *

"Who are you?"

The English was perfectly understandable, if a bit accented. Ene forced her drooping eyelids open again and flinched involuntarily. _This_ face was an even eerier likeness to that of the long-dead Minbari from her nightmares. Definitely a male, and as far as she could tell, a warrior. He wasn't dressed in white, but wore a dark brown cloak or robe with a conspicuous brooch pinned to the chest. Ene couldn't quite make out the shape of the brooch, her eyes were too tired.

The question was repeated, "Who are you?"

She tried to answer and found that her voice cracked pathetically. Finally, she forced it out, "Ene… Maaroos. From Earth."

"What were you doing on the Narn Homeworld?"

"Helping the resistance."

"You're not an ally of the Centauri?"

"No."

"Why would a human choose to help the Narns, when your world has taken the side of the Centauri?"

Ene tried to shrug and gasped in pain.

The warrior asked the doctor something, then turned back to her, a slight frown on his face. "The painkillers we have given you should not make you drowsy or unresponsive. Why are you not opposing this interrogation? Most members of your race would refuse to answer, question me in turn, want to know my name, where they were, what a Minbari ship was doing in Narn space."

"I don't care." Ene was very tired and, inexplicably, very close to tears.

"My name is Neshann of the family Sahaeri, Warrior Caste. I am a Ranger and the captain of this ship, the Fili'Shal. We were sent here by Entil'Zha on a secret rescue mission to aid in the evacuation of as many Narn refugees as possible. We recovered some, but arrived too late at the centre where you worked. You were the only one we were able to save from the rubble. You are gravely wounded, but will make a full recovery in time. What you did at the refugee centre was a feat of great bravery and sacrifice. You have my respect." The Minbari bowed, his hands and thumbs forming a triangle in front of his chest.

Ene didn't understand half of what Neshann had said, but in her state, comprehension was a luxury. What she did understand, and wished she didn't, was the tone of his voice. It was respectful, friendly, soothing. It threatened to break her control.

She couldn't hold it back any longer, and despised herself for that. "I wanted to die," she whispered. "Why didn't you just leave me there."

Neshann's staring face faded into black as she passed out.

* * *

The next waking was better. Life never got quite so horrible that you couldn't take it any more (unless you were a total weakling) – that was the thing she hated most about it.

Ene simply lay on the strange bed. She let her eyes follow the Minbari sometimes moving in the room, but was now wise enough not to turn her head. And she tried to forget everything, to let her awareness dissolve in the silvery grey colour of the ceiling, in the silent effectiveness of the Minbari, in the quiet humming of the ship's engines. She tried to forget her long-ago, almost dreamlike – nightmarish – life on Earth, the faces of the Narn children, her humiliating outburst after Neshann's questioning. She tried to simply be, and remember nothing.

She almost succeeded.

* * *

The next time Ene woke she was on Babylon 5. Noise, so characteristic of this station, assaulted her ears. She was lying on a wheeled hospital bed and being pushed along a corridor at top speed while medics yelled instructions over her head. She decided that the best strategy would be to pass out again, which she did.

* * *

"Well, well. It seems that you've ended up right where you started."

"Not quite." She then realised who the voice belonged to and screwed her eyes open. "Doctor Franklin."

"In person," the doctor replied with a slightly evil smile. "And it seems that you've taken quite a beating, wherever it was you were. Didn't I tell you that it was a bad idea to go?"

"Repeatedly."

"It's quite clear that you're the insubordinate type. This station is crawling with such people, I think it has some sort of a natural magnetism for them. Pity, that. I'd rather not have yet another troublemaker staff member, but there you have it."

Ene could only stare.

"You'll be on your feet soon enough, the Minbari doctors did a good job. I expect you to show up for work three days after I release you from MedLab."

"What did I earn this with?" she finally managed to ask incredulously.

"It would have been quite safe to tell me that you were going to Narn. I think we share a fondness for the Narn culture. And what you did there… I'm impressed."

Not wanting to think about the praise she hadn't earned in the least, Ene asked, "So you're not shipping me back to Earth?"

"Even if we wanted to, that could prove to be difficult. But if you have family there you want to get back to, we could try to arrange something –"

"If I had family, I wouldn't be travelling around the galaxy and trying to get killed on the Narn Homeworld. What's this about it being difficult to contact Earth?"

"Haven't you heard? You haven't, have you? Of course, I should have realised… anyway, Babylon 5 has broken away from Earth. President Clark declared martial law on top of everything else that's been going on back home, and then ordered the Nightwatch to take over command here. Seceding from the Earth Alliance was the only thinkable option for us, but it has made us very much _personae non grata_ with the current administration. They tried to force us to give over the station, but we fought back and drove them off."

Ene digested this for a while. "So Babylon 5's independent now?"

"Yes."

"Under the command of Captain… Sheridan?"

"That's correct."

"So… no elections, no civilian government. A military state."

"It's only a temporary solution."

"The temporary has a tendency to endure."

"You see? I knew you were a troublemaker. Get some sleep now. But don't take too long. Who knows what other historic events you might miss."

"But that would put me in an excellent position to complain later that no one could get anything done properly without me."

Doctor Franklin chuckled and started to leave the room. He stopped briefly at the door and said over his shoulder, "By the way, Professor Maaroos – welcome back to the society."

The forced cheerfulness evaporated in an instant and she had to struggle to contain the resentful anger welling up in her. Doctor Franklin left without noticing anything, but she spent hours wrestling with her thoughts and memories and a desire to smash everything within reach into tiny pieces. Finally, no calmer than she had been, but too spent to be properly angry any more, she fell asleep.

* * *

Ene opened her eyes to look straight into another pair, dark grey in a pale face. It took her a moment to realise that they belonged to Neshann. The Minbari said nothing and simply looked at her.

A bit annoyed at this invasion of her privacy, she remarked, "I seem to keep waking up to find someone hovering over me. Was there something that you wanted, Captain?"

"Only to see how you were." Neshann fell silent, but Ene refused to be ashamed of her rudeness. "You say that you have woken up," the Minbari continued after a while, "but to me it seems that you are still sleeping. And dreaming terrible dreams."

"Oh dear. Minbari philosophy. Didn't you say that you belonged to the Warrior Caste?"

"I do. That does not make me blind."

"It certainly does seem to make you stupid enough not to take a hint. Leave me alone."

But even an outright insult produced no results. Neshann continued to stare at her and finally said, "You are angry enough to want to destroy everything, but since that is beyond your capabilities, you sought to destroy yourself. I have seen others like you whose only wish is death. I believe you should try to build on that desire, to make something out of it. Death is a powerful tool when used for a purpose, not wasted on suicide. You should become a warrior, even better – a Ranger. You are certainly brave enough, and this would give you a purpose in playing with death."

Ene waited and once it was clear that the speech was finished, burst out laughing. "Thank you for the psychoanalysis, Captain, but I don't believe that everyone's problems could be solved by joining these Rangers who seem to have appointed you as an official recruiter. I'm just fine in my current position, and I don't intend to ever become a soldier. I am intelligent enough to be something else, and believe me, if I should feel the urge to kill someone, I could do it just as well without a cloak and a brooch."

Neshann, emotionless as a true Minbari, accepted this with a nod. "If you would, call me Neshann instead of Captain," he said quietly, bowed in the Minbari fashion and left the room.

* * *

"_Doctor, I still don't see how we can be sure that she isn't a spy of the Nightwatch. No one has checked her background and now it's no longer possible – very convenient for her. It was all right as long as she was just passing through here, but now that she's working here… how can we know that she's really on our side?"_

"_Do you think she would have risked her life helping the enemies of Earth's new allies if she were sympathetic to Clark's regime? Look, I'm satisfied, the Captain's satisfied, even Mister Garibaldi is satisfied. This is the third time we've had this conversation and if you come to me with this rubbish again, Jeffries, I swear I'll make you clean out bedpans for two weeks. Or better yet – I'll give you over to citizen G'Kar. Let's see how he'll take these accusations made about a person who helped his people's resistance."_

Ene cast one glance at the Junior Assistant Jeffries now hurriedly backing away and bent over the blood samples she was testing. She sighed, irritated mostly at herself. She'd thought that she cared not a whit about what other people thought of her. Apparently, she'd been wrong.

"Professor Maaroos." It was the deep, musical voice of G'Kar.

"Citizen G'Kar." Somewhat taken aback at the intense look on the Narn's face, she set the blood sample tube she'd been holding into the rack and looked around. "Is there anything I can do for you? I'm a bit occupied right now, but –"

"I can wait for as long as you like. For you, I could wait a whole year. And the question if there is anything you can do for me must be reversed. You have done more for me, for my people, than I could ever have asked. Is there anything _I_ can do for _you_? If it is within my power, I shall do it."

Ene was somewhat bewildered. "Well, there's nothing that urgent on my hands right now," she managed. "And your thanks is really unnecessary –"

"Unnecessary? Surely not. Inadequate, certainly, but such is always the case with things greater than what can be put into words. I felt, however, that something more tangible would be required, and I believe I have found an appropriate expression of my thanks." With that, G'Kar handed her a leather-bound book. "It is a handwritten copy of the Book of G'Quon. We give this to very few who are not of our own race."

Ene stared at the gift, the leather smooth and warm under her fingers. It was too much; yet another thing to cause her to lose the control that was becoming increasingly harder to maintain. She hated it for that, hated herself and G'Kar and all the Narns. Wanting to tear it apart but not quite daring to, she twisted the book between her hands and let it drop to the floor.

G'Kar was apparently speechless at such rude ingratitude, but she didn't care. It all burst out suddenly, the words tearing loose from her against her will in a shout that startled half the MedLab, but she didn't care, she couldn't care, because she was no longer in control. "I don't want this! I don't want your thanks! I have done nothing to be praised for! You – everyone – you praise me, but I don't deserve it! D'you think that I went to Narn to help your people? I didn't! I'm not some self-sacrificing hero! I went there to die! I wanted to die and I was too much of a coward to kill myself, so I thought I'd enlist the help of the Centauri! I failed and I regret it! I wish I wasn't here to receive your misplaced thanks! I wish I was dead!"

She ran out of the shocked silence, ran blindly, so that she didn't know where she was when she finally collapsed.

* * *

"This is not, I think, the best place for meditation."

The words barely penetrated the fog in her mind, their meaning almost lost. She couldn't reply, she didn't remember how to. If she hadn't been beyond worry, the fact that she had, for the moment, forgotten most of the use of speech, would have troubled her a great deal.

"You are in what is called the Downbelow on this station. It is hardly a wholesome place. You should get back to your quarters."

The voice was closer now, and suddenly something touched her shoulder. A hand? She flinched away.

"Open your eyes, Ene. Look at me."

She couldn't do it. She suddenly found that she was shivering violently.

"Wake up. Wake up from your horrible dreams. Life is not as dark as you see it. Wake up."

She knew that voice, even if the words were still only partly comprehensible. Slowly, her mind formed thoughts. Minbari. Captain. Ranger. Neshann. She blindly lifted her hands to her face, pressed fingertips against the closed eyelids. Her cheeks were dry.

"What…" Her voice was broken, wheezing. "What are you doing here?"

"At the moment – trying to convince you to come with me, back to your quarters."

"You… are a warrior. Surely you have better things to do. I am not a… suitable project."

"You are mistaken. This is where Rangers differ from most warriors. This, here, is what we do."

"And… what would that be? Saving lives? I've already told you that I don't want you to save my life."

"But I think you do. The will to live is strong. Even you have not quite abandoned it."

Ene opened her eyes. She couldn't see much, light was dim. Neshann's white face glowed faintly in front of her.

"Where – where am I? What's happened to me?" She sounded like a frightened child and didn't have the strength to properly despise herself for that.

"I think you collapsed under the stress. You are broken and finally couldn't hold yourself together any more."

That was true enough to hurt. She had lost control, and felt herself about to lose it again. What was happening to her? Was she going mad?

"Three years ago a band of criminals fresh from prison came to my family's farm at night. They killed my parents. I was away in town, busy with my _science_. The farm has been empty ever since. I've tried to run it from a distance, but it's just… dead." There, she'd said it. No more secrets to keep or weaknesses to hide. No more control.

Neshann looked at her steadily, his eyes level and unblinking. He didn't say a word, didn't touch her, but she could feel his compassion. It was almost tangible, and it was warm – like his face stood out in the darkness, his compassion was the first warmth she had felt in a long time. She couldn't help but reach for it – he had been right, she still did want to live.

At first she thought that she couldn't cry, she didn't remember how to, just like she hadn't remembered speech a short while ago. But then the tears came, painful like opening an infected wound, and the relief was just as immense as the pain, and that was how she woke up from her nightmares.


	3. Life, Once More

Disclaimer: everything in Babylon 5 belongs to JMS and Warner Bros., I'm just borrowing some of it. The title of this story is a loose translation of a line from a Russian song of the space era, music by V. Muradeli, lyrics by Y. Dolmatovski. Not making any money. Don't sue.

* * *

Chapter III

**Life, Once More**

_By chimère_

After the madness had burned itself out, Ene began to settle down little by little. A strange numbness, if not calm, asserted itself, and she was able to start making repairs after the breakdown.

She came back to work the very next day. Doctor Franklin tried to send her away, but she wouldn't hear of it. Unlike sitting in her quarters with nothing to do, mechanically going through the tasks at the lab was soothing. Franklin was obviously quite concerned, which was more than what could be said about the attitude of her other colleagues. Ene ignored the glances and whispers and was simply glad about the wide berth they gave her. She didn't have the strength to care.

The precious copy of the Book of G'Quon she had so disrespectfully dropped to the floor somehow found its way to her quarters a few days later. She wondered whose idea it had been. She liked to run her fingers over the smooth leather binding, but guilt prevented her from opening it.

The first night after the breakdown Ene had slept like the dead, and the following nights proved that her ability to sleep was returning. In fact, she now felt ready to go to bed every evening as soon as she entered her quarters – she seemed to be making up for all the sleepless nights of the last few years.

When she was paid her first salary on Babylon 5, she didn't have any idea what to do with the money left over from paying for her quarters and food. But soon enough she found herself shopping for several items to decorate her living space with. Babylon 5, a mere space station and no planet, was a fitting home for someone as fleeting and rootless as her.

* * *

The Rangers were obviously a busy organisation, and no surprise, given the escalating events everywhere around. Ene knew about them, unlike most people, had known even before Neshann had asked her to join them. It had been explained to her by Doctor Franklin as soon as she had been able to stay awake and coherent long enough to absorb it. Given that the Rangers were more or less a secret group, this explanation had been provided on the theory that if she received none, she would start to ask too many dangerous questions on her own. She had been made to promise to keep it a secret, of course, and she had no desire to spread it around. Quite naturally, she hadn't been given any details about the Rangers' ways of operating or their purposes, only the bare skeleton story that had to be told to people who had had contact with the Rangers and might begin to wonder too much.

Ene understood that the Rangers were fighting a war, but she couldn't claim to understand who the enemy was. Talk of attacks, the Shadows, an ancient evil – it was all still quite vague for someone who wasn't an officer or a government official and had to hear it all second hand. But she did believe it, sceptic though she was. Rumours were flying all across the station, and she thought that for once quite a number of them might be true. It was strange, really, for her to believe in stories – normally she would have thought it irrational and childish. But although she had no contact with the military – human or alien – but hearsay, she was neither blind nor stupid. She could see that some of the groups of aliens arriving at Babylon 5 were refugees, could see real fear in people's eyes. All the events had the feel of a storm gathering strength and she could taste the war in the air. So it was no surprise that the Rangers were busy, coming and going constantly, if one knew how to look for them.

It was no surprise that Ene didn't see Neshann for over a month.

During that time, on top of everything else, Doctor Franklin decided to resign to work out whatever problems he had. Ene could only shake her head at his sense of timing. But she actually felt glad when he returned and survived the wound he had received on his tour of the Downbelow. After all, he was the person on this station she had had the most conversations with.

She had gathered her courage one day and requested an audience with Ambassador Delenn, the new Ranger One, to ask to be informed if and when Neshann's ship should happen to stop at Babylon 5. The tiny half-Minbari had been kind enough to grant her wish and tactful enough not to ask any questions.

She had to see Neshann. She owed him too much. She had been able to acknowledge the depth of her debts only after recovering somewhat from her madness. She didn't have the courage to face G'Kar just yet. But she had to thank Neshann.

Rumours thickened, the sense of looming danger became ever stronger.

But Delenn never contacted Ene to inform her of Neshann's arrival. It was understandable, of course. At the end of the year Captain Sheridan left secretly on a mission of a madman and was lost at Z'Ha'Dum. Ene heard of Neshann on her own, when Delenn summoned all the Rangers to Babylon 5, gathering them openly at last. It was with a profound relief that she learned that Neshann was among them.

It was a lull in the storm, and probably the last time to pay one's debts.

* * *

Ene had contacted Neshann and he had – although looking somewhat surprised on the BabCom screen, or as surprised as was possible for a Minbari – agreed to meet before the White Star fleet left for Z'Ha'Dum. But on the morning of the day of their meeting Ene learned that G'Kar had left Babylon 5 in search of Mr. Garibaldi, of all people.

G'Kar had left the safety of his sanctuary and Ene could just imagine how many Centauri were already hunting him down. It was highly doubtful he would return. He had left, and she had never apologised. A debt unpaid. Another regret.

She arrived at the Zen Garden quite shaken. But Neshann was already there, waiting for her, so she tried to suppress it as best she could.

"Ene Maaroos," Neshann said, greeting her with the traditional Minbari bow. She marvelled at how an alien had memorised her name and its pronunciation exactly, when that seemed to be an impossible feat for most English-speaking Earthers.

"Just Ene, please." Then, remembering his earlier request not to call him Captain, she said deliberately, "Neshann."

The Minbari smiled. Ene returned it tentatively, wondering how they were supposed to talk to each other if even just names took so much effort.

"Why did you call me here?" Neshann asked after a stretch of silence.

"Isn't it obvious? Well, maybe for you it isn't, and I shouldn't wait so long that you'd have to ask yourself." Ene took a deep breath. "You have saved my life twice over. I wanted to thank you."

"There is no need for that. I was only doing what I have been trained to do."

"You make it sound like you're a dog!" At the Minbari's look of incomprehension she continued, "No, never mind. Well, maybe you have been doing this all your life, but for me it's a new experience and I do believe that a thank you is in order."

"Not all my life. You forget that I belong to the Warrior Caste."

It was Ene's turn to be confused.

"The Warrior Caste destroys lives more often than saves them. The Rangers are different, but I joined them only a little over two years ago. My Caste has not taken it kindly."

"Why? One would think that they'd approve of military organisations."

"But the philosophy of the Rangers does not suit the Warrior Caste. And right now, the Rangers are doing everything that they have been opposing lately. I am a deserter, a shame to my Caste. An outcast."

"But you belong among the Rangers now."

"Why should they truly trust a member of the Warrior Caste?" For the first time, Ene could hear a trace of bitterness in Neshann's voice.

She looked at him in a new way. Perhaps they had something in common after all.

"For whatever it's worth, I trust you. With my life. Having held it in your hands twice and not dropped it, you're probably more trustworthy around it than me."

Neshann smiled again. It was a beautiful smile, Ene noticed.

"When are you leaving?" she asked.

"In five days. The White Star fleet and some from the League of Non-Aligned Worlds. What's left of them since the League broke up."

"You can't win. Not if anything I've heard about these Shadows is true." This statement of a fact hurt more than she would have thought.

Neshann didn't answer to that, perhaps considering it too self-evident to comment upon. He only said, "This is the deep intake of breath before the breaking of the true storm."

Ene nodded. "Everything and everyone seems to be… waiting. It's quiet at the MedLab, too, which is the reason I could come here today."

"It almost feels like – peace," the Minbari said softly.

"Almost. Peace is so often false. All of this has made me remember some old Earth songs I liked as a child. When the humans constructed the first shuttles that were able to take them off Earth – no farther than the planetary orbit and the Moon –, long before we encountered any of the other races, it was a time of great hopes and dreams and elation. It's sometimes been called the space era. People believed that we could do anything now that we had gone to the stars, that we could conquer the galaxy, put an end to poverty and disease, bring world peace. _Peace._ At the same time countries were caught in bitter rivalry over whose space program was the most successful. There's one song I remember in particular. The original was in Russian, but I heard the translation into my mother tongue, Estonian, when I was a child, and I liked it a lot." She hummed the sad tune for a few moments. "In the song, astronauts are leaving Earth and they make a promise to the people left behind that one day apple trees will bloom on Mars. Well, maybe they do have apple trees under the domes on Mars now, I don't know. But we don't have the peace we dreamed about."

"It makes one wonder how and why we dream about peace, if we are so incapable of achieving it." It was generous of Neshann, Ene thought, to say "we", as the Minbari _had_ had peace for centuries. But then, even that quiet race had warred against the humans.

"There were a few lines in the song that were different, wiser than the rest. I don't remember it exactly, but it went something like _Live. Believe. That is our motto, though the wind of the unknown blows in our face._ I can't translate it very well, but I like it. We didn't know almost anything about the universe back then, and now we perhaps only know how much we still don't know. But humans are still presumptuous, still acting like we're entitled to everything."

"Presumption is a common flaw, and not attributable only to humans. As for knowledge of the universe, I suspect that none of our races can claim much of that."

Ene caught herself staring into the Minbari's dark grey eyes, wondering how he could understand her so well. "Thank you for saving my life," she said again.

This time, Neshann didn't refuse the thanks. "You are welcome. It was no burden. It wasn't just my training, I wanted to save you."

"Why?"

"You are like no other human I have ever met." Which, in true Minbari style, wasn't really an answer at all. It seemed to imply something, but Ene couldn't begin to imagine what.

"I am sorry that you have to go to Z'Ha'Dum. I don't want you to die." Her voice caught, just a little.

Neshann regarded her for a long time. "I am sorry, too. Before this meeting, I wasn't sure. Now, though… But it has to be done."

"Yes." After a long pause, Ene said, "Maybe there's a chance…" Her voice died. She didn't believe it, and she knew that Neshann didn't, either.

"We have made each other want to live again. But it seems that we are still unable to give hope."

Ene took a deep breath, feeling her own failure keenly. He had done so much for her, and she couldn't give him anything back, not even a crumb of hope that he would return from this suicide mission.

Suddenly she saw a solution. Not letting herself think about it twice, she stepped closer to Neshann and kissed him on the lips. It was less strange than she had thought. As they drew apart, she whispered, "For luck."

Neshann looked more bemused than shocked. After a pause, he asked, "Is this an Earth custom?"

"Sometimes." Ene found that she was smiling, though she couldn't tell why. Hope is not easy to recognise when rediscovered after so long.

Feeling suddenly shy, she said, "Just try to come back," and fled the Zen Garden, leaving Neshann to gaze after her.

* * *

Hope, life's means to preserve itself, is so often foolishly unfounded. Therefore, it was all the more amazing for one who was used to broken dreams to see this fragile faith turned into reality. Granted, the suicidal attack on Z'Ha'Dum that had been planned by Ambassador Delenn had been called off after Captain Sheridan had miraculously returned from the dead. But the war against the Shadows and, more lately, the Vorlons as well, still seemed far too desperate an endeavour to expect the return of anyone going into battle. Laughter through tears was all that Ene could manage as she discovered that for once, life didn't mock her and throw her hope back in her face. Neshann was brought into MedLab 6 on a wheeled hospital bed, badly burned, but unmistakably alive. She abandoned her duties to sit by his bed and annoy the medics who tended to him. Caught in dizzying relief and joy, it took her a while to absorb that Neshann's survival was only a small portion of the good news now reverberating throughout Babylon 5.

The station echoed with incredulous joy, from whispers to shouts. Somehow, amazingly, inexplicably for Ene, the war was over, and it was won. A slight, distant smile appeared on her lips and stayed there without her noticing it. That was how she acknowledged the removal of the death threat on this part of the galaxy. She resigned herself calmly to wait. Eventually, the rumours would settle into truth or something close enough to it, and she could start to make sense of how this seemingly impossible feat had been accomplished. Until then, she was in no hurry. In any case, the end of the war mattered a lot less to her than the fact that the Minbari Captain who had saved her life was lying on the hospital bed, his face flushed slightly from fever, his breathing laboured, but steady.

* * *

Neshann remained unconscious for two days. Ene couldn't neglect her duties for very long, since MedLab was truly swamped with the injured and although medics were most in demand, the lab technicians' workload was tripled as well. Therefore she couldn't be there when the Ranger woke up. She was just dropping by once again to check on him when she saw the Minbari's dark grey eyes open and looking back at her.

Her breath caught and she couldn't say a word. He watched her just as silently.

"You're alive," Ene finally whispered thickly through tears that suddenly welled up.

Neshann smiled and Ene felt something break in her. She hadn't realised how much she had missed that smile. She stepped to the bed quickly and took his hand. She saw a fleeting look of surprise on the Minbari's face as she pressed her lips to it. Then Neshann's expression changed, he freed his hand to gently push stray hair back from her face, to smooth tears from her cheeks.

Ene sat down on the edge of the bed and took his hand again. They looked at each other in silence, their fingers intertwined in her lap.

* * *

Ene didn't take part in the festivities that abounded on the station. In the last few years she hadn't exactly felt like partying, and although she was much less bitter and angry now, she still wasn't in the right frame of mind. Instead, she worked – not because she was overly diligent, but to be close to Neshann. She didn't dare to visit him very often, but she wanted to at least be in the vicinity of the room where he lay. There were still many patients in MedLab and quite a number of people were needed to take care of them, but everyone who could be spared had been granted leave to join the festivities, which meant that there was a fair amount of work for those who remained.

Thus Ene spent her days in the lab, her hands mechanically going through her tasks while her thoughts were elsewhere. They were strange thoughts, almost alien to her after such a long spell of hopelessness – thoughts of the future, of plans too precious and fragile yet to voice aloud.

Her colleagues still seemed to think it best to avoid her whenever possible. When she heard movement behind her one day as she was working at the DNA sequencer, she actually jumped.

"I am sorry if I startled you," Neshann said.

"What are you doing?" Ene exclaimed. "Are you mad? You should be in bed!"

"No need. I have no broken bones, just a few burns from the battle. I am quite ready to be on my feet."

"That's for someone with medical training to decide. I'm calling someone in here right now."

Neshann's hand on her arm stopped her. "Don't, Ene." The Minbari seemed to collect his thoughts for a moment. Then he said, "I am well enough. I will heal on my own. Very soon I shall have to return to my Ranger duties."

Ene felt suddenly cold. "Already?"

"The war may be over, but there is still much work to be done. I fear that the Castes will begin to fight among themselves on Minbar soon. The conflict has been mounting for a long time."

"And there is going to be civil war on Earth," Ene replied. "Clark's regime can't last forever, but it will cost a lot of lives to bring it down."

"So you see, I have to go," Neshann concluded. He regarded Ene for a long time. "We might not meet again."

"I know."

The silence was long and became intolerable. Finally Ene threw caution and propriety to the wind – she understood perfectly well that they didn't really know each other at all, that the chasm of difference between their races and cultures was frighteningly wide, and she didn't care about any of that – and said, "I'll wait for you."

Neshann's face went very still. "That's a dangerous promise. I don't want you to make it."

"But I want to make it! And you want it too, or I really don't understand you at all! Not your common sense, not your conscience – but your heart wants me to make that promise." Ene stepped in front of Neshann, their faces just inches apart. "Say it! Say that you want me to make that promise!"

The Minbari stared at her, his eyes dark and unfathomable, and with a jolt of fear Ene thought that perhaps understanding really was impossible between them. But then Neshann said, "Yes. I want you to make that promise."

Ene drew herself up straight, although she was shaking a little. "Then I promise that I will wait for you." She managed a smile.

Neshann took her hands. "And I promise that if I can, I will return."

All of a sudden, though she had started it herself, the intensity of their words frightened her. She still felt fragile after her breakdown, any strong emotion easily wore her out. To distract herself, she tried to find other, more ordinary words. "I'm sorry about pressuring you like this. I can be a bit too… forward sometimes. For all I know, I may have committed a horrible breach of good manners from the Minbari point of view." She realised that she was blabbering and shut up.

"It's all right. Though I daresay that neither my Caste nor my clan will approve of a Minbari taking a human mate." The words were lightly spoken, but Ene could not doubt that the meaning behind them was utterly serious.

"I suppose it might never come to that," she made her own half-hearted attempt at levity, still trying to wrap her mind around the word "mate". "In all probability, we're too different for this to work anyway."

Neshann didn't reply and Ene was bitterly ashamed of her words. But he seemed to understand and forgive her human callousness, because suddenly he pulled her into his arms. In breathless wonder, she clung to him, and for a whole sweet minute, they forgot the world around them.

* * *

Neshann left a couple of days later and Ene felt her loneliness sharply. But even this was much better than the hollow emptiness that had been her only emotion for three years.

She could hardly believe it when she heard that G'Kar had returned to Babylon 5, having somehow survived after all. And that was not the end of it – rumours began to circulate that the Centauri had left the Narn Homeworld. However afraid of G'Kar Ene might be, she simply had to talk to him.

As she stood outside the door to G'Kar's quarters, she noticed that her hands were gripping the Book of G'Quon so tightly that her knuckles were white. Irritated by her fear and hesitance, she rang the bell.

G'Kar didn't answer at once. Ene wondered if this was because he had somehow guessed her identity, and her stomach gave another little jolt of fear. Then the Narn's deep voice called, "Come," and not letting herself think about it, she stepped through the door.

G'Kar was sitting behind his desk, writing, but he stood up as she entered, and regarded her grimly. Ene was shocked to see that he had lost an eye.

For a few moments Ene stood dumb and unable to move. Then she took a deep breath and said, "I am sorry. I offended you and was ungrateful when I should have felt honoured. I don't deserve this." She set the Book of G'Quon on the desk. Remembering that the Narns were a people of few words and feeling that she had said everything she had meant to say, she turned to leave.

Ene was almost at the door when G'Kar said, "Professor Maaroos."

She turned around, feeling another little stab of guilt. "I'm not really a professor any more."

"You helped my people," G'Kar said. "I haven't forgotten that, and I shall not. Whether you did so because you truly wanted to help us or because you wanted to die, doesn't really matter. Most people would have chosen a far less honourable way to end their life. And I do not think that you care nothing for the Narns."

"Is it really true that Narn is free again?"

A smile spread over G'Kar's face – Ene had never seen anyone so happy before in her life. Quite unexpectedly, her eyes filled up with tears. She hadn't realised how much she had felt for the fate of the Narns.

They stood looking at each other – human and Narn, tears of relief and smile of joy. In that moment, they understood each other, understood the extent of their difference and that sometimes, like now, difference didn't matter. G'Kar picked up the Book of G'Quon Ene had set on the table.

"I am glad to see that you no longer wish to die," the Narn said. "I would have mourned you, for you are a friend of my people. This was a gift, and it belongs to you." He handed her the Book of G'Quon.

Ene held the book very carefully in her hands. She wanted to ask what had happened to G'Kar away from Babylon 5, how he had lost his eye. She wanted to ask if he had, as she suspected, played a role in freeing Narn.

She couldn't find her voice. She bowed her thanks and left.

* * *

War, it seemed, was almost a constant on Babylon 5. Just about six months after the end of the Shadow War the war to liberate Earth and her colonies from President Clark's regime broke out. But Ene followed its progress with less attention than she had listened to every one of the few reports that had reached her concerning the war between the Castes on Minbar. She hadn't even known which news to consider worrying and which encouraging. In a war between the Warrior and the Religious Caste, with the head of the Rangers also being the leader of the Religious Caste, which outcome could a Warrior Caste Ranger hope for? Ene knew that Neshann's loyalty was primarily given to the Rangers, but nevertheless, she feared that his ambivalent affiliations meant that he would grieve no matter which side won.

But then that war had ended with the Religious Caste's surrender turned into victory and the transfer of power to the most unlikely of candidates, the Worker Caste. Neshann, however, did not return to Babylon 5. Ene was becoming very worried and had just resolved to ask Delenn, inappropriate as that might be, for any information, when the message arrived. It was text only and read,

_I am well, but my duties will keep me from Babylon 5 for some time yet. I will return as soon as I can. You are in my thoughts. _

That sustained Ene for the time being. She filled her time with work and keeping track of the new war, letting herself be glad at every one of Sheridan's forces' victories. Like most people, she hoped to see the end of the near-tyranny on Earth, but she also thought that the new states born out of sheer defiance could hardly achieve democracy on their own – Sheridan was still the king of his own little military empire, wasn't he? She could only hope that Sheridan could pull this coup off and would not be so accustomed to being in charge by then that he'd try to cling to power. Democratic elections on Earth would be the only thing that could really put her mind at ease. But right now, the war was just something to keep herself occupied with.

Ene waited, as she had promised to do.

* * *

The death of Marcus Cole in order to save Commander Ivanova left Ene to ponder love. She was glad that hers and Neshann's (and she was still only able to admit that it was love in the privacy of her own thoughts) was not of the unrequited sort. She observed how quickly that tragedy was eclipsed by the victory of Sheridan's forces, and felt for Susan Ivanova more deeply than she had felt for another human being in years. But she knew better than to approach the newly promoted Captain and offer her condolences. Any words she could have said right now would have sounded hollow, no matter how honest the meaning behind them.

Ene was sitting in the Zocalo one day, having finished her lunch and simply watching the life of Babylon 5 flow around her, when she heard the familiar voice too long missed.

"Ene."

She practically jumped to her feet and turned to see Neshann, who was regarding her with a warm smile on his serious face. She found that she couldn't return the greeting, couldn't say anything at all. She only smiled without knowing it and stepped closer to grasp the hands the Minbari held outstretched.

They barely spoke as she paid her bill and they left the Zocalo, and the silence continued for a while as they walked slowly towards the Zen Garden. They were simply basking in each other's presence, letting it warm and melt and awaken parts of them that lay dormant in solitude. Finally, Ene said,

"I'm afraid I can't hold my human nature in check any longer. What have you been doing these last months?"

"Patrolling the borders of the League worlds with the other Rangers," Neshann replied. "Guarding against the raiders."

"Then you didn't take part in the war between the Castes on Minbar?"

"No." That one syllable sounded very heavy. "It was not a fight for the Rangers. We try to keep the larger peace, we do not interfere with internal conflicts." The Minbari's voice had turned bitter, he let go of Ene's hand he'd been holding until now. "And once you are a Ranger, that must come before everything else. However much I may have wanted to –" He broke off, jaw set and staring straight ahead.

Ene took Neshann's hand again and pressed it. "Which side would you have fought on?"

The Minbari was silent for a time. "The Religious Caste," he finally replied. "We live for the One, we die for the One. But you are right – it would have been too hard. Warrior by birth and Ranger by choice, and I will never be free of either of them, no matter what I or others might wish. Perhaps it was better that I wasn't there. But my Caste was killing our people, when no Minbari has killed another for a thousand years…"

"Do you like the way it all turned out in the end?" Ene asked just to break the oppressive silence that followed Neshann's last words.

With a visible effort to pull himself together, Neshann said, "Yes. I think it's for the best. Both the warriors and the priests had become too arrogant and forgotten that their true purpose was to serve. There are many things that the Worker Caste can teach us."

Ene smiled at Neshann and stepped a little bit closer to him. Suddenly, he let go of her hand and instead wrapped an arm around her waist. She was rather surprised by such an open physical display of affection from the restrained Minbari, but there it was – they were walking hip to hip as they entered the Zen Garden.

There were two people coming towards them, apparently just leaving the garden, and walking in exactly the same way that they were. Well, perhaps with more justification, Ene thought – the newly wed Captain, no, President Sheridan and Delenn. They smiled at Ene and Neshann, coming to a halt right in front of them.

Neshann immediately let go of Ene and bowed to Delenn. "Entil'Zha."

"Neshann," Ranger One replied warmly. "And you are Ene Maaroos, correct?"

"Indeed, Ambassador Delenn."

"That's an interesting name," Sheridan put in. "Finnish?"

"No, but close," Ene answered, pleasantly surprised that someone like John Sheridan would be so familiar with European languages. "Estonian. I'm pleased to meet you, Mr. President."

"John Sheridan," he replied, shaking her hand.

On impulse, Ene said, "Thank you. To both of you."

"For what?" Delenn asked.

"For saving my life, in all probability, among billions of others. But mostly for showing me that there can be leaders who simply lead and don't cling to power."

Sheridan smiled widely at her. He was charismatic indeed, Ene noted. Delenn bowed her head in thanks. And then, with nods and another exchange of Minbari bows between Delenn and the silent Neshann, they parted ways. Sheridan and Delenn gave them one last look as Neshann pulled Ene close again, smiling knowingly, perhaps even a little condescendingly, but warmly. And Ene found that she couldn't be irritated. It was too much of a relief to see the approval of another pair like them.

Perhaps Neshann was thinking the same, because he pulled her to face him, his eyes searching hers, and when she smiled a little to show her acceptance, he cupped her face in his hands and kissed her. It was like finally knowing the truth, being grounded, being home. There was no painful past, no difference in races, no universe with all its difficulties to separate them.

As they drew apart, the world reappeared around them, and it felt like they were creating it. In absolute wonder, Ene stared into Neshann's dark grey eyes that held none of their usual reserve. It was one of those rarest moments, and they both realised it – there were no obstacles, they could fly free, and the world would have to give way.

"Where are we going to live?" Ene asked.

"My people accepted Delenn and Sheridan. They will accept us. But being a Ranger, I cannot settle on Minbar. At least not yet."

"I have a farm back on Earth…" Ene fell silent for a moment, then shook her head. "No. Not really, not any more. And I don't want to be planet-bound while you are travelling among the stars."

"We could live here."

"Babylon 5?" Ene laughed. "A fitting home for me, indeed, and for you as well, I suppose. But who knows how long this station will even be operational? In times as hectic as these, anything might happen with Earth in charge here again."

Neshann stroked Ene's cheek in a gesture so tender that her joy became almost painful for a moment. Then, unexpectedly, the Minbari laughed as well. "I think Babylon 5 will last long enough," he said.


End file.
